Miserable At Best

This post is going to be a little different than the others. I'm going to tell you a little story. This should go well (sarcasm)

So, a few years ago, I went to the other side of the country for my cousin's wedding with my family. We stayed there an extra week or so, so we could visit other people. One of those people we visited were my mom's friend's family. They have a son. Let's call him..... George. So this was the first time I met George. We became friends right away. And I developed a crush on him. Which totally sucked when I got back home :S

Anyways, I went back home, missing him. But we e-mailed a lot. And our moms called each other, so we talked on the phone every other week. Then George got rid of his e-mail account, but didn't tell me. My mom did. His mom had told her like, six months after. I hated him. I hated him so much.

Months after this, he got Facebook. Months after we added each other on Facebook, I messaged him and told him how I felt. He said he felt the same way. We started "dating". I know it sounds really stupid, but I was like ten at the time.

A month or so after that, I found out that George had been in a town not to far from mine. And he hadn't visited. This pissed me off so much that I yelled at him (over the computer) and I broke up with him. Through song. I'm so weird!!!! I used Taylor Swift's Picture To Burn and Forever And Always. He didn't understand though, guys, so stupid.

Now, we've talked like five times in between then and now. Yesterday was his birthday. I spent the week before fretting over if I should wish him a Happy Birthday or not. This wasn't the first time I'd thought of him since our split. I missed him so much. I felt so stupid. I started calling myself a bitch and a whore and I started cutting and having mental breakdowns and my parents got divorced as well and it was all too much to bear and I couldn't tell anyone because no one would listen. It killed me.

So today I wrote him a letter. I don't plan on sending it. I postmarked it and all though. But it's going upstairs right after this. I'll type it up below.

Hi George,
It's Ritz. You probably don't even remember me anymore. Then all of this will be a waste, oh well. First off, happy belated birthday. I would've called or something, but I figured you'd be busy with friends. You'll probably think I'm crazy after this, but I'm doing it anyways. I miss you. A lot. I'm like, falling apart. I know you don't care, but I'm telling you to give myself closure. There are so many things I want to say to you, it scares me. I don't know how to sum up my feelings though. The song I've attached does it better than I ever could. It's called Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade. Not exactly AC/DC, but, whatever. Don't reply to this, please. I don't want my mom to know about this. We don't get along very well. I'll probably lock this up somewhere and never send it to you. Knowing me, that's most likely. I'll leave you alone now.
Ritz.
P.S. I'm I'm sorry. For everything.

And then I attached the modified lyrics. I'll post those as well.

Hey, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting, go
Of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as
bright
And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but I want
it so
Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know she's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, she stares)
I bet she gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my guy to dance, he'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or him to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best
You're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles
away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay
'Cause I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it
So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know she's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, she stares)
I bet she gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my guy to dance, he'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or him to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

ladada ladadaaa ladada laa ohh
And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
Spent three whole days since I've had sleep
'Cause I dream of her lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly
So let's not pretend that you're alone tonight
(I know she's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, she stares)
I bet she gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my guy to dance, he'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or him to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you
But without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best

Okay. I'm done now. God, I can't believe myself. I'm going to go eat icing now. Bye bloggees.

Ritz

P.S. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

Turn It Off

Sorry that it's been so long bloggees. I've been recovering from recent rejection. You see, I applied to this school from drama but they turned me down, so I fell into this spiraling hole of depression (in which I learned to spell spiraling) and created this uber-cool rejection playlist that helped me get over it! Each song represents a stage. I will explain:

1) Come Back To Me by Amely
This is where you don't feel anything at all. You don't understand why this has happened. Yeah, you could said you're devastated, you're hurt, you're lost, you're confused. All you want is to fix it, but you don't know how.

2) Time To Break Up by blink-182 (Personally, I prefer the All Time Low cover, but whatever, some content)
This is where you think of all the horrible things about the person - or school - that rejected you. But deep down you know that you still absolutely adore them.

3) Perfect by Simple Plan
This is where you're all like "screw them!" and "it's not my fault I'm not perfect!" And things like those. The song explains it much better than I ever could.

4) Feeling Sorry by Paramore
This is the stage where you shut out all thoughts of them. You decide that they aren't even worth your precious time anymore.

And the last and final and most awesome stage ever:

5) Turn It Off by Paramore
I'm proud to say I've made it all the way to this stage now. After a whole lotta tears and yelling at people and lying and saying that I'm fine, I'm here. I made it! (Another awesome song by Kevin Rudolf and some other nondescript people)

So yeah, that's it. I hope this helps you if you ever fall into a spiraling hole of depression! 

-xoxo, Ritz

Sick Little Games

Sick Little Games = awesome song by All Time Low

So, I hope you liked the story yesterday. I'm a girl, just so you know, and even though I write about lesbians, I am not one myself. Nor I am bisexual, not that I have anything against those who are. I'm just trying to raise awareness about em, I hate homophobes. And people who can't accept others cause of their differences. So that explains that.

In other news, three friends of mine plus one of their brothers said they were going to check this blog out, so here's a shout out to you guys! Navi, Miya, and Aaach (inside joke) as well as Navi's brother whose name I have currently forgot. I apologize to you :)

So, right now I am attempting, and failing, to study for my science test tomorrow. I mean seriously! Who cares that the Gulf Stream Current is "A warm ocean surface current that flows north from the Gulf of Mexico, along the East Coast of the U.S., and on to the Southeast coast of Newfoundland."? Not that exciting, in my eyes.

Also, 24 views!! YAY! Yet, still, I know that's next to nothing. Oh well, I'm going to be happy anyways. I'm not gonna let people rain on my parade!   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0ivQgcSIhQ&feature=fvst  > Love that song

So Rills are the start of a river, huh? No one gives a fucking rat's ass!!!! Sorry, just peeved off about this. It's mostly my fault though, I've known about this since like last week and I'm only studying today. Hopefully my sister's right about me working well under pressure :/

Better get cracking then, I feel like I'm a part of my school's sick little games - or better off, my science teacher's. Ugh. Wish me luck :(

-Ritz

P.S. Sorry this post is so short. I'm not sure what to talk about. Maybe tomorrow I'll post my thoughts on a  random album I choose from my shelf :P

Roses & Jewels [Chapter 1]

Sorry I didn't blog today. Since it's late and I can't really stay for long, I'll leave you with the first chapter of a new story I'm writing. Enjoy! :)

Chapter One

“Dyke,” Someone hissed at me. I blinked. What the heck were they talking about? I ignored them and kept on walking.

“Hey hon,” My chemistry teacher grabbed my arm as I walked by her classroom. “I heard about Julia,” She said. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m here,” I nodded like I knew what she meant.

Then I saw a familiar face; it was that girl from drama club. I couldn’t remember her name but we had waltzed together in Romeo and Juliet, one of my favourite plays.

“Hey!” I called out to her. She looked at my briefly but then turned away. I walked quicker and fell into step with her. “Do you know where-“

“Leave me alone, lesbo,” She huffed, leaving me standing there in the middle of the hallway. What had I done wrong? Or, better yet, what had Jewels done wrong?

Jewels, a.k.a. Julia – only teachers called her by her real name, was my best friend. I had met her in grade two, on the playground at school. I had recognized her as the girl on TV. Her mom had died at the beginning of that year in a drunken driving accident. Only, unlike most situations involving drunk driving, her mom was the drunk driver. After that, her dad realized how precious she was to him and started calling her Jewels, because she was his jewel. The name had stuck.

I walked into the computer lab and saw her blonde head on the other side of the room. I walked over to her.

“What the hell is going on?” I demanded. She looked at me like I had just thrown a puppy out of a ten story high window.

“Everyone’s calling me a dyke Jewels. You better have a good explanation for this!” I threw my bag down on the floor and sat in the chair next to hers.

“Oh yeah, about that,” She scratched the back of her head. I gasped.

“Oh God, don’t tell me,” I muttered, reaching into my bag for some gum. It always calmed me down.

“It’s true,” She confirmed.

“It’s okay, we can get over this,” I said, more to myself than her.

“There’s something else,” Jewels added.

“So what if everyone makes fun of you? So what if everyone assumes I’m a lesbian too just because you are? So what if-“

“Listen to me! God dammit!” I looked at Jewels. “There’s something else I have to tell you,” She said.

As if all this isn’t bad enough already, I thought. But I didn’t say anything.

“I kind of think I’m in love with you,” She told me, looking down.

“Oh my God Jewels, are you trying to kill me?” I demanded.

“I’m dead serious.” She said. I just shook my head.

“Just hear me out, would you?” I shook my head again.

“Ro-“

“Don’t talk to me,” I hissed. Then I got up and stormed out of the computer lab.

XXX

That night as I lay in bed I thought to myself, did I do the right thing? I mean, Jewels needs someone now more then ever. Her dad isn’t going to know how to deal with this. Maybe I should call her. No, it’s too late. Maybe in the morning.

After that I still couldn’t fall asleep. After about an hour I found my thought drifting back to Jewels.

So what if she likes me? She’ll get over it eventually.

Jewels isn’t even that bad, maybe I could pretend to like her back just to make her happy, but that would damage my reputation, wouldn’t it?

Oh well, it’d be worth it for Jewels, wouldn’t it? I mean think about what she’s done for you! She helped you when you fell out of that tree. She told everyone to fuck off when they thought you were pregnant with Nick. She even helped you get Nick to date you!

Jewels is awesome, any guy- I mean, girl- would be lucky to have her. Her, with her blonde hair and bright eyes and her awesome sports ability, who wouldn’t want that?

And she always has the best advice, and she can get you out of any situation.

And she can teach you just about anything, I remember when I started dating Nick and I was afraid I wouldn’t meet his standards when it came to kissing. Jewels taught me how to practice on a teddy bear.

Overall Jewels is just an awesomely-awesome person I guess.

A short while after that I fell asleep, I had the weirdest dream though:

I was walking down a gravel path, and at the end was a forest. I entered the forest and ended up in a clearing. Then I sat down in the clearing. I looked down at myself. I was wearing a rose coloured sundress.

Then Jewels emerged from the trees, wearing a jewel covered dress like mine. She sat down across from me and put a basket between us. We ate the food she had packed for us and then we went for a walk. We were halfway to our destination when she reached out and took my hand. I gladly accepted it.

When we got to the next clearing we sat down again. There was a pond in front of us. We sat side by side and looked at it. Then I noticed a flower that matched Jewels’ dress. I picked it and placed it in her hair. She saw a rose coloured flower. Then she picked it and placed it in my hair. I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back.

Then she was leaning closer, and closer. Our lips met. It felt so right. I felt my fingers find their way into her hair. I was enjoying it way too much.

Wake up! Wake up!

I sat up in bed panting. What the heck was wrong with me? I took a few minutes to calm down trying to block out the awful thought floating through my mind. As much as I tried to make it go away, I couldn’t- because it was true.

I loved Jewels. The same way Jewels loved me.

Sweet, innocent Rose had fallen in love with challenging, rebellious Jewels. And it scared her to death. 

And so the lion fell in love with the lamb, well actually it's more like the other way around, but whatever! You know what I mean!

-Ritz

Let's Pretend....

Okay, the title is pretty lame, and is completely irrelevant but I have a new feature! I don't know if I'm going to continue it after today, but I was going to post song lyrics and then put the lyrics that relate to me the most in italics, so yeah, I'll do that now. Today's are from Airplanes part II (ooh, ah)

allright lets pretend Marshall Mathers never picked up a pen
lets pretend things would have been no different
pretend he procrastinated had no motivation
pretend he just made excuses that were so paper thin they could blow away with the wind
marshall you’re never gonna make it makes no sense to play the game there ain’t no way that you’ll win
pretend he just stayed outside all day and played with his friends
pretend he even had a friend to say was his friend
and it wasn’t time to move and schools were changing again
he wasn’t socially awkward and just strange as a kid
he had a father and his mother wasn’t crazy as sh-t
and he never dreamed he could rip stadiums and just lazy as sh-t
f-ck a talent show in a gymnasium bitch you won’t amount to sh-t quit daydreaming kid
you need to get your cranium checked you thinking like an alien it just ain’t realistic
now pretend they ain’t just make him angry with this sh-t and there was no one he could even aim when he’s pissed it
and his alarm went off to wake him off but he didn’t make it to the rap Olympics slept through his plane and he missed it
he’s gon’ have a hard time explaining to Hailey and Laney these food stamps and this WIC sh-t
cuz he never risked shit he hopes and he wished it but it didn’t fall in his lap so he ain’t even here
he pretends that…

airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars.... and so on.

So yeah, that was fun! -Not really. I hope you learned some more about me. Other wise, I will just ramble about something that is somewhat relevant to the title.
So I have this friend, she's a challenge. But yeah, I put up with her because sometimes she can be quite funny. But she's still quite selfish and she doesn't understand why I'd want to donate my hair to kids with leukemia. Since she's all rude to us, we decided to prank her. 

Now since I want to be the actress supreme (I do not understand why they want to call us all actors but whatever) I'm pretending that a guy two years older than us, named Eric, moved in on my street.
After our winter break I told her that we're dating. So basically we're in the middle of a find at the current moment because we were watching The Social Network and I refused to get Eric popcorn so he threw the bowl at my head.
Yes, yes, he's going to be the typical abusive boyfriend. So far, I've only told her about this encounter, but once I think of more I'll keep telling her about all the awful things he did to me and see what she says, so far, she hasn't stirred.
And then in the beginning of March I was going to start acting differently, hoping she'll notice. And basically the storyline there is going to be that Eric pressured me into "things" and that I will be pregnant. Watch her not even ask what's going on. That would be so like her.
I hope it goes well. On April Fool's Day we were going to tell her the truth, so yeah. I wish Eric was real. I somewhat modeled him after a friend of my friend's older sister that I used to have a tiny crush on. That was before I learned he's borderline bipolar. Not that I have anything against bipolar people! Or gay people for that matter!
But now I have a crush on this guy who is a poet and he's two years older than me. Only thing is that he lives in Massachusetts, I'm up north in Canada. And I met him on Quizilla, teenage writing site that isn't serious at all! It's like to total opposite of inkpop. But yeah, it's still pretty awesome. Anyways, he hasn't caught on yet. The poem I posted yesterday reminds me of him, he told me about it when I told him I like Edgar Allan Poe - yes that is who EAP is.
So, I'll leave you alone now, I might not blog tomorrow. I think this one makes up for two days worth, so yeah. I've got to stop saying that! Bloody hell! I'll see you in the next few days blogees. I really don't know what else to call you. 

Toodles! 

-Ritz

The Outfit Formula

11 views!!! Which means 3 more since the last time I checked!! YAY! 
The outfit formula. I know it sounds really stupid, but I feel like I'm onto something. Oh God, I am turning into Mark Zuckerberg.
So basically what happened was today was "Anti-Bullying Day" so we all had to wear pink. I was rummaging around my closet this morning looking for that old pink cardi I always wear with the same black tank top, then I decided to try something different. So instead of just the tank top and cardigan I decided to put a blue v-neck on too. Then I looked at myself in the mirror. It wasn't so great in real life. But it wasn't that bad either, so I was on the fence. Then I thought to myself:
"If my confidence isn't equal to the way I feel when I get three compliments from someone, I shouldn't be wearing this,"
And that's how I came up with the formula, which is as follows:
C = F x 3 or F x 3 = C 
C = confidence and F = feedback from other people
I hope it doesn't sound stupid. I honestly think it makes sense. By the way, I didn't end up wearing the v-neck.
But yeah, I'll be using that now. In other news, I don't really know what else to say so I will be leaving you with a poem that reminds me of someone I know and talk to everyday yet he doesn't notice how much I like him. I know, typical life story of a teenage girl, but I probably won't be blogging about that, if I do I'll put a little warning at the top of the page. But yeah, it's by EAP. My favourite poet. See if you can figure out who that is :P

Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of ANNABEL LEE; And this maiden she lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me. I was a child and she was a child, In this kingdom by the sea; But we loved with a love that was more than love- I and my Annabel Lee; With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven Coveted her and me. And this was the reason that, long ago, In this kingdom by the sea, A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling My beautiful Annabel Lee; So that her highborn kinsman came And bore her away from me, To shut her up in a sepulchre In this kingdom by the sea. The angels, not half so happy in heaven, Went envying her and me- Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know, In this kingdom by the sea) That the wind came out of the cloud by night, Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee. But our love it was stronger by far than the love Of those who were older than we- Of many far wiser than we- And neither the angels in heaven above, Nor the demons down under the sea, Can ever dissever my soul from the soul Of the beautiful Annabel Lee. For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride, In the sepulchre there by the sea, In her tomb by the sounding sea. Unfortunatly for me, my name isn't Annabel, oh well. Hopefully we'll be like this without dying :S -Ritz

The Joker and the Thief

I needed something to name today's blog, and I really like that song, it's by Wolfmother. My friend told me about it - you know who you are. 
OOHHH, It's Andrew Garfield!!!! How old do you think he is? I'll tell you at the end of this blog. Also, yes, he is the guy in the picture, he is British and he is going to be in the new Spiderman movies! Isn't that awesome??? My favourite actor playing my favourite superhero and he's from one of my favourite places on Earth! Well, I hope it'd be on Earth, last time I checked this is the only planet I've been too :P
So, today. Nothing good has happened. I saw that I've got 8 views. Yay! Yes, I know it's like, nothing, but whatever. Everything good has to start somewhere, correct?
Hmm.... so.... I guess I'll tell you about myself. Basic introduction and all that stuff.... how about I just copy out my profile on fanfic.net? That'd make more sense. Hold on a second while I do that.....

So, I'm me. And obviously, you're you. Now that that's sorted out: I'm supposedly like C3PO, because I am a drama queen, and I'm also the "Angel of Dreams and Fantasies and other psychological related things" :D Umm, yeah. My parents are from England so I use British expressions sometimes. I live in Canada, so I spell things with u's sometimes :P  I have a weird sense of humour, like puns and such, so yeah. I'm also often sarcastic. I love Meg Cabot, Tim Burton, Edgar Allan Poe, and Sarah Dessen.
Name: Ritz, kinda obvious
Country: I'm Canadian, eh?
Likes: Reading, writing, listening to music, acting, watching "The Social Network" for hours on end, etc.
Favourite Music Genre: Punk, Alternative, some rock, I don't even know :S
Favourite Bands and such: All Time Low, Paramore, Green Day, the cast of Glee, The Beatles! Steven Tyler, kind of, lots of things and I will not take up your time but typing them all here :)
Favourite TV shows: Big Brother!!! Glee!!!!! Big Bang Theory!!!!!!!!!
Favourite Movies: The Social Network! 500 Days of Summer! Step Up- or anything with dancing!! Anything Tim Burton! Specially Corpse Bride!
Favourite Books: Unwind, Just Listen, Fat Chance, The Princess Diaries, Lots of things! And Just Listen by Sarah Dessen (I'll probably do book reviews on awesome books like these on here too)
Dislikes: Clowns, red hair dryers, unrealistic scenarios, bugs, ceiling fans, other stuff
Favourite Videogames: Anything with that Italian plumber guy! Yes, I mean Mario! And I like watching people play role playing stuff, like The Legend of Zelda
Religion: Atheist, ooohhh, bet you didn't see that coming, did ya?
Favourite Fruit: Oranges, I like to suck ze juice of of them like a vampire!!!!
Celebrity Crush: Andrew Garfield!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *drifts off the fantasy land*

Let's see.... what else is there? Well, there's book reviews. Maybe I'll do movie and CD reviews too, yes, I still buy CD's. I know, and I have a discman, deal with it!!!!  And I like to write, so check out the sites below: 

http://inkpop.com/profile/69ab7ea1-5641-4429-a459-94df0de2f9fc/ritz13/
http://quizilla.teennick.com/user/ritz13/
http://twitter.com/ritzbitz13

So, I hope this blog isn't total crap, that'd be pretty sad. I do not know what happened there :/  Demented typing issues I guess, watch them not even show up once I publish this :P Ughhh... I hate things like that!  By the way, Andrew's 27, I bet you were way off, huh? Unless you already knew :P Do you think it's illegal to date someone 14 years younger than you? ;)

Starting Out

Oh wow, this is awesome. And so much easier to use than Tumblr. Yeah, I tried that first. Didn't work out so much. 
Anyways, I'm new to this, should be fun. Hopefully I won't turn out like Mark Zuckerberg - Social Network fans get this - Discovering Facebook would be awesome, just not the whole Facemash and comparing women to farm animals, though for me, it'd probably be comparing dudes to farm animals. 
So, basically this is like my online journal. I will trash talk people, but I probably won't specify who, unless they are a celebrity. It'll probably be obvious who I'm talking about anyways. If you know me that is. 
In case you haven't noticed, I ramble a lot. That's why I'm here! So I can ramble and ramble and ramble and hopefully someone will read this shit and find it funny or meaningful.
Meaningful. I like to go deep. So expect some of my posts to be philosophical and so on. 
Another Tragic Case. That's me - by the way, I'm Ritz, or Ritz13, whatever. Not that big of a difference. But yeah. "Another Tragic Case" that's from Head On Collision by New Found Glory. Awesome song, check it out. It's where All Time Low got their name from. I love them. 
Other things, I rant, I'm British, so you may not always understand my rants. I live in Canada so I spell favorite favourite. > Yes, there is a difference. 
I love to read and write. And act, and listen to music. And watch The Social Network for hours on end. Hopefully I won't end up forcing cannibalism :/ 
Umm, yeah. I guess that's it for now. I won't keep you much longer. I bet no one's reading this now. That'd suck, like everything else in my life.
Let's hope this doesn't explode in my face! Cheers to starting out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
-Ritz