Miserable At Best

This post is going to be a little different than the others. I'm going to tell you a little story. This should go well (sarcasm)

So, a few years ago, I went to the other side of the country for my cousin's wedding with my family. We stayed there an extra week or so, so we could visit other people. One of those people we visited were my mom's friend's family. They have a son. Let's call him..... George. So this was the first time I met George. We became friends right away. And I developed a crush on him. Which totally sucked when I got back home :S

Anyways, I went back home, missing him. But we e-mailed a lot. And our moms called each other, so we talked on the phone every other week. Then George got rid of his e-mail account, but didn't tell me. My mom did. His mom had told her like, six months after. I hated him. I hated him so much.

Months after this, he got Facebook. Months after we added each other on Facebook, I messaged him and told him how I felt. He said he felt the same way. We started "dating". I know it sounds really stupid, but I was like ten at the time.

A month or so after that, I found out that George had been in a town not to far from mine. And he hadn't visited. This pissed me off so much that I yelled at him (over the computer) and I broke up with him. Through song. I'm so weird!!!! I used Taylor Swift's Picture To Burn and Forever And Always. He didn't understand though, guys, so stupid.

Now, we've talked like five times in between then and now. Yesterday was his birthday. I spent the week before fretting over if I should wish him a Happy Birthday or not. This wasn't the first time I'd thought of him since our split. I missed him so much. I felt so stupid. I started calling myself a bitch and a whore and I started cutting and having mental breakdowns and my parents got divorced as well and it was all too much to bear and I couldn't tell anyone because no one would listen. It killed me.

So today I wrote him a letter. I don't plan on sending it. I postmarked it and all though. But it's going upstairs right after this. I'll type it up below.

Hi George,
It's Ritz. You probably don't even remember me anymore. Then all of this will be a waste, oh well. First off, happy belated birthday. I would've called or something, but I figured you'd be busy with friends. You'll probably think I'm crazy after this, but I'm doing it anyways. I miss you. A lot. I'm like, falling apart. I know you don't care, but I'm telling you to give myself closure. There are so many things I want to say to you, it scares me. I don't know how to sum up my feelings though. The song I've attached does it better than I ever could. It's called Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade. Not exactly AC/DC, but, whatever. Don't reply to this, please. I don't want my mom to know about this. We don't get along very well. I'll probably lock this up somewhere and never send it to you. Knowing me, that's most likely. I'll leave you alone now.
Ritz.
P.S. I'm I'm sorry. For everything.

And then I attached the modified lyrics. I'll post those as well.

Hey, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting, go
Of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as
bright
And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but I want
it so
Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know she's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, she stares)
I bet she gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my guy to dance, he'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or him to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best
You're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles
away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay
'Cause I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it
So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know she's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, she stares)
I bet she gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my guy to dance, he'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or him to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

ladada ladadaaa ladada laa ohh
And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
Spent three whole days since I've had sleep
'Cause I dream of her lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly
So let's not pretend that you're alone tonight
(I know she's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, she stares)
I bet she gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my guy to dance, he'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or him to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you
But without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best

Okay. I'm done now. God, I can't believe myself. I'm going to go eat icing now. Bye bloggees.

Ritz

P.S. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?